Saturday, August 13, 2011

Humor: Pac-12 Commissioner Larry Scott meets with Texas AD DeLoss Dodds

Wired Devils has obtained the transcript of today's meeting between Pac-12 Commissioner Larry Scott and Texas Athletic Director DeLoss Dodds. Also in attendance were Pac-12 Deputy Commissioner Kevin Weiberg and General Counsel Woodie Dixon. (With apologies to Francis Ford Coppola.)

CUT TO: The interior of Scott's office.

SCOTT
This is my Deputy Commissioner, Kevin Weiberg; Mr. Dodds. He's the one who arranged this whole thing through your man Worley.

DODDS
Yes -- Yes.

SCOTT
Sit down.

DODDS
Well I was under the impression that you and I would talk alone.

SCOTT
I trust these men with my life, Mr. Dodds. If I were to ask them to leave, it would be an insult.

DODDS
Well uh, it's perfectly all right with me, but I should tell you that I am a blunt man and I intend to speak very frankly to you -- maybe -- more frankly than anyone in my position's ever spoke to you before.

[SCOTT lights a cigarette]

The Pac-12 conference has done very well on the West Coast. You own, or, you control, six regional TV networks -- one national. The contracts were negotiated with the cable operators, so there is no problem with distribution. Now, my sources tell me that -- you plan to make a move against the Big XII. They tell me within a week -- you're gonna move Beebe out. That's quite an expansion. However it will leave with one little technical problem. Ahh -- The Longhorn Network will still be in the University of Texas' name.

SCOTT
Worley is a good man.

DODDS
Yeah, well let's cut out the bulls**t. I don't want to spend any more time here than I have to. You can have Texas in the Pac-16, the price is we get to keep the Longhorn Network. Plus a monthly payment of 20% of the gross -- of all conference TV revenue.

Mister -- Scott.

SCOTT
Now the rest of the conference schools have agreed to pool all media rights and divide the revenues equally, am I right?

DODDS
That's right.

SCOTT
Now why would I ever consider giving you more than that?

DODDS
Because I intend to squeeze you. I don't like your kind of people. I don't like to see you come out to this clean country in your $300 haircuts -- dressed up in those polo shirts - and try to pass yourselves off as decent Americans. I'll do business with you, but the fact is, I despise your masquerade -- the dishonest way you pose yourself. Yourself, and your whole f***ing conference.

SCOTT
Mr. Dodds - we're both part of the same hypocrisy. But never think it applies to my conference.

DODDS
All right, all right -- some people have to play little games. You play yours. So lets just say that you'll give Texas a larger share because it is in your interest to have us in your conference. But I want your answer by noon tomorrow. And one more thing: don't you contact me again -- ever. From now on you deal with Worley.

(then, to Woodie)

Open that door son.

[He starts to leave]

SCOTT
Uh, Mr. Dodds -- you can have my answer now if you like. My offer is this -- nothing. Not even the fee for terminating the Longhorn Network, which I would appreciate if you would put up personally.

DODDS (laughing)
Good afternoon, gentlemen.

[He opens the door and walks out]

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Very well done and on target. See Gov. Perry recent comments about the Fed for confirmation of Texas attitude that it has the answers and wants to have it is way. But what if Texas cecedes from the Union? Then the PAC 16 would include a non U.S. team. Think about it.