Humor: Pac-12 Commissioner Larry Scott meets with Texas AD DeLoss Dodds

Wired Devils has obtained the transcript of today's meeting between Pac-12 Commissioner Larry Scott and Texas Athletic Director DeLoss Dodds. Also in attendance were Pac-12 Deputy Commissioner Kevin Weiberg and General Counsel Woodie Dixon. (With apologies to Francis Ford Coppola.)

CUT TO: The interior of Scott's office.

SCOTT
This is my Deputy Commissioner, Kevin Weiberg; Mr. Dodds. He's the one who arranged this whole thing through your man Worley.

DODDS
Yes -- Yes.

SCOTT
Sit down.

DODDS
Well I was under the impression that you and I would talk alone.

SCOTT
I trust these men with my life, Mr. Dodds. If I were to ask them to leave, it would be an insult.

DODDS
Well uh, it's perfectly all right with me, but I should tell you that I am a blunt man and I intend to speak very frankly to you -- maybe -- more frankly than anyone in my position's ever spoke to you before.

[SCOTT lights a cigarette]

The Pac-12 conference has done very well on the West Coast. You own, or, you control, six regional TV networks -- one national. The contracts were negotiated with the cable operators, so there is no problem with distribution. Now, my sources tell me that -- you plan to make a move against the Big XII. They tell me within a week -- you're gonna move Beebe out. That's quite an expansion. However it will leave with one little technical problem. Ahh -- The Longhorn Network will still be in the University of Texas' name.

SCOTT
Worley is a good man.

DODDS
Yeah, well let's cut out the bulls**t. I don't want to spend any more time here than I have to. You can have Texas in the Pac-16, the price is we get to keep the Longhorn Network. Plus a monthly payment of 20% of the gross -- of all conference TV revenue.

Mister -- Scott.

SCOTT
Now the rest of the conference schools have agreed to pool all media rights and divide the revenues equally, am I right?

DODDS
That's right.

SCOTT
Now why would I ever consider giving you more than that?

DODDS
Because I intend to squeeze you. I don't like your kind of people. I don't like to see you come out to this clean country in your $300 haircuts -- dressed up in those polo shirts - and try to pass yourselves off as decent Americans. I'll do business with you, but the fact is, I despise your masquerade -- the dishonest way you pose yourself. Yourself, and your whole f***ing conference.

SCOTT
Mr. Dodds - we're both part of the same hypocrisy. But never think it applies to my conference.

DODDS
All right, all right -- some people have to play little games. You play yours. So lets just say that you'll give Texas a larger share because it is in your interest to have us in your conference. But I want your answer by noon tomorrow. And one more thing: don't you contact me again -- ever. From now on you deal with Worley.

(then, to Woodie)

Open that door son.

[He starts to leave]

SCOTT
Uh, Mr. Dodds -- you can have my answer now if you like. My offer is this -- nothing. Not even the fee for terminating the Longhorn Network, which I would appreciate if you would put up personally.

DODDS (laughing)
Good afternoon, gentlemen.

[He opens the door and walks out]